Nothing Left To Say.

05/21/17

 

Why can’t I just say how I feel?

Why can’t I let it out?

Why do I only cry alone?

Why do I hurt?

Why is this so hard to understand?

Why is it that all I can seem to ask, is why?

What can I do?

What is this all for?

What am I even living for?

What is wrong with me?

What is keeping me from what I want?

What is going on in my head?

When did I become sad?

When did I shut the door?

When did I push everyone away?

When did I hold back?

When did I let myself fall apart like this,

with no signs of ever coming back alive?

And tell me;

When did I start thinking death would be better than living?

I have nothing to say anymore.

I’ve held it in so long,

The words are just gone.

I’ve recited every line,

So many times.

Till all I had left,

Left me like a rushing river.

My heart aches,

But there’s nothing you can do.

Please, just let me be.

You weren’t there when I needed you.

Don’t come back and ask me to reopen wounds for you.

My time for mourning is over.

I no longer wish to speak

Of the dreams that used to be.

I need to breathe,

I need you to simply let me be.

What’s done is gone and past.

Just as the seasons change,

so do we.

Listen to me,

It’s all I ever wanted.

It’s all I ever asked.

Hear me.

It’smy last request.

Love me.

But please,

Don’t hurt me anymore.

Insecurity.

11/25/16                                                                                                                  11:45PM

The pain inside my chest

It get’s worse as the nights grow darker.

The voices in my head

They keep telling me to run farther.

I cry myself to sleep

The shadows grow deep

And all I can do is lie here awake

Praying i’ll be okay.

You can never hurt me

You can never break me

You will never be able to hear me

You will never understand me.

The things I tell myself

The way I viciously tear myself apart

The things I do to take away my pain.

You’ll never know.

My insecurity bites my spine

While my heart aches in synchronized time

With the burning crackle of the fire that melts my soul.

The stone I carry on my own

Only ever reminds me I’m still alone.

It’s hard to feel warm in the dark

As it’s the same with the people who embark.

The more I try

The more i wish to die.

But in the end

I will still be lonely

As nothing you say can hurt me,

I only ever hurt myself.

You can never destroy me

The way I so willingly destroyed myself.